


Until you see

by Aditiguha



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Assassination Attempt(s), Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jealous Ben, Possessive Ben Solo, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rey Needs A Hug, Romance, Self-Harm, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25150807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aditiguha/pseuds/Aditiguha
Summary: After three months of waiting, pleading by the door of their force bond with no response he has millions of things to say, but the only thing he can say is,"Rey"Her name is like a prayer in his lips, and he drinks in her sight like a man dying for every drop of water. She is the most beautiful person he had ever ever seen in his life, most beautiful voice he ever heard, but when she opened her mouth,"Kylo Ren, came to finish your work?"What a little bit of hope & courage he had shattered on her feet just like his heart.:After the attack on Crait Kylo Ren is nothing but misery he wants no part of the galaxy that doesn't include Rey, but, Rey lost all hope in him and shut the door of their force bond, so he will try again and again to prove Rey that he is her, that he how he loves her, he will show her until she see....
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 21





	1. Longing

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys I do not own Star wars but I love Reylo and I can't stop myself from writing this fic, it's my first fic so there will be many faults, so plz feel free to comment and if u like it then left Kudos. Enjoy!

_why_

  
It is the question he's been asking himself from the day his Master died, his uncle died, he became the Supreme Leader of the Galaxy, from the day he attacked the remaining rebels on Crait, from the day Rey leaved him...

  
Why this is happening to him, why he doesn't feel complete, he has the whole galaxy now, then why he is feeling like someone ripped his heart out and locked it somewhere he cannot find, and in it's place left a burning loneliness that promised to never leave him.

He know where his heart is though, to the girl who didn't want to do anything with it, didn't want to do anything with him but yet his lonely heart always betray him for her. A mere sight of her can make his heart swell with happiness and when she turned away from him it breaks with so much hurt that he cannot take it anymore, it felt like dying every time, yet he cannot stop himself from wanting her.

It's been three long months he attacked the rebels on Crait, three long months he's being the Supreme Leader, and three long months when he last saw her. When she closed the door of falcon on his face she also shut herself from the bond. He didn't see her since that day but sometimes he can hear her, feel her, but cannot see her and it is the most painful thing ever happened to him.

This is a battle he can never win yet he tried and he is trying in his every waking moment. He threw himself on her mind shield with all his power begging her to at least let him see her, but his begging is nothing in front of her determination, and she is determined not to see him.

He has the whole galaxy now isn't that what he always wanted? to fulfill Vader's legacy to become the most powerful man in the whole galaxy, but now he doesn't want anything of it, he still want to do what Vader could not, to be with his loved one, but, just like Vader he is also too late. She tried to help him but he destroyed her hope, her trust like he destroyed everything and now he has nothing, he is nothing.

Now at the darkness of his room all he can think about is what may have happened if he went with her, didn't offer her the galaxy if he just said the words he truly wanted to say to her,

That he wanted to be with her

That he wanted her

That he Love her...

Yes, he love her, the way he never loved anyone before and he didn't even know when he started and why, just that he love her and he will do anything to be with her. That's why he thought if he offer her the galaxy then maybe she will stay with him, he is so desperate he cannot think of anything else, but when she summoned the light saber from his hand everything in him cried out, he clinged to the saber with the last hope that he can make her stay but like the saber his hope also shattered in to pieces in front of him.

When he woke up she's gone. Years and years of abandonment, his mother's sad good bye's, his father's ' _I'll come back soon,kid',_ the years of longing in jedi academy for just to meet his parents, years of unanswered letters, came rushing to him with full force and he took over the only emotion came to him then, pure hot Rage.

In his madness he didn't even cared who is front of him he is just a blind man who attacks everything in front of him after the loss of his light. He attacked the rebels because he thought if her friends and only family died then she will finally come to him. It's a child's foolish dream.

_I will destroy her_

when the words left his mouth he knew he can never make it true, even the mere thought of hurting her pained him more then anything, but unfortunately he is the one who hurt her the most. He deserves to be shut out, he did not deserve her, he did not deserve to see her, but the mere thought of not seeing her again makes whole world crumble, he clings to the hope that one day her focus will not be enough, one day she will come to him, one day he will see her again.  
And he will live with this hope until he see her again..

And with that hope he called to her

_Rey.._

And just like always he only met with cold silence.

He was never afraid of loneliness it's like a old friend who never leaves your side, but now he is truly afraid of this loneliness, after a taste of the life he can have with Rey this loneliness is like a poison which is slowly stopping his heart. He cannot take it anymore he has to see her if he didn't he will either burn the whole galaxy or kill himself, both is not good options.

So, with a clear determination he sit up in his bed, he is lying here with a fake try of sleep which never came to him easily but after his father and Rey sleep is like a faraway thought which is only haunted by nightmares and his own inner demons. So, forgetting about sleep he centered his mind and with all his strength he tried to break the wall she created against him, and he has to admit the mental defense is very very good. It took all his concentration to weaken the wall, his head is pounding like someone is throwing rocks at them, there is blood trickling from his nose but he didn't care, he cannot back away now, he has to see her.

Just when he thought he was going to pass out her wall started breaking and he push through it and the feeling of their connection came to life and embraced him like a long lost lover which in a way it is, but then he saw her and he never saw anything more beautiful. She is sitting in grassland and playing with some flowers and there are butterflies around her and she's smiling and it is the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Then she turned and laughed at someone. She didn't noticed him and for that he both relieved and hurt. She's talking to someone, he tried to concentrate in their conversation which is hard enough in his already dazed state but yet he went further, and oh, she is talking to the traitor, he tried to hear what they're saying,

"Finn, it is so peaceful here, I never wanted anything more than this, and I'm happier than ever before I really don't want anything else."

Her voice is like melody to his ears and his heart warmed with her happiness.

"Rey, really I'm so happy to see you like this, and yeah it's true Naboo is such a peaceful planet."

Rey seems to realize what happened because she turned sharply toward him and their eyes met for a moment and her face turned from confusion to concern to pure horror, but it's too late

"No.." She breathed

Before she say or do anything else his world turned black and he fell backward.

\--------  
\--------

When kylo woke up he was lying on his bed, his head like it's about to explode and the whole world spinning, there is blood coming from his nose he lift the back of his knuckle to wipe it, but with all these things for the first time in three months he's smiling, because now he has hope.

  
Because he know where she is

_Naboo_

He sit up from his bed as fast as he can and went to the fresher washed his face, he stopped looking at mirror long time ago because he know he will not like what he will see, he knows he's a mess, he didn't sleep well, he's not eating properly and he's training more than likely and all the stress being the Supreme Leader is another point, so, overall he's a walking corpse, but now he is happy because he find his will to live, he found his Rey.

Kylo came into the bridge as fast as he can, _SUPREMACY_ was repaired after two months of it's destruction. General Hux is standing in front of control panel, when he saw kylo he's face turned in a scowl.

"Supreme Leader"

He's tone is polite but full of acid like the words pained him.

"General, prepare my ship, I'm going on a mission, alone, I'll be back in few days."

The general nodded " as you wish Supreme Leader" kylo turned to leave, but the general asked,

"Supreme Leader can I ask you where you're heading?"

Kylo didn't turn to the general he said over his shoulder,

"Naboo"

With that he left him there and headed for his ship, he couldn't stop the excitement and thrill of seeing her again..

_I coming Rey..._


	2. Belonging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late, but pls enjoy the chapter.

_ Why _

It is the question she is asking herself from the fateful day on Crait, when the Rebels barely make out alive from that death trap, from the day Luke died for the hope to remain in the galaxy, from the day  _ He _ choose his dark life all over again.

  
  


From that day she's asking herself why she, why not anyone else, why she has all this weird magical powers, why she is the hope of Resistance, but she's not complaining, because she know the value of hope, it can move worlds with it's power but when hope break it also break the person holding it. She knows because she hoped for someone and he broke it with a force that almost broke her, so, she stopped hoping and became someone else's hope.

  
  


The family she always wanted always craved, she finally found it but it's not her parents, it's her friends, her new family, who accepted her with all her problems. She found her family in Finn,Leia,Chewie,Poe,Rose,Kaydel,BB-8 and everyone else around her. She made her own family and she's happier than ever before.

  
  


At first it's all very scaring for her, the force, her new friends, her connection with  _ Him _ , it's all so confusing that she locked herself in the room after they landed on Naboo, it's Leia's biological mother Padme Amidala's home planet so here we were welcomed with open arms. Naboo is a peaceful planet, it doesn't engage in war, so they were not able to come to our aid on Crait, but they let us stay here now and that's enough.

  
  


After a week of isolation from everyone, when she didn't know what to do, one person came to her and she really did not expected him. He was standing in front of her,

  
  


"Master Skywalker" she whispered

  
  


"Hey, kid" he said with a smile on his face. Luke was looking so peaceful now, like he always wanted to be this way, like his life never been full of guilt and self-hatred.

"What happened Rey?"he asked softly

"I don't know what to do Master, I know I have this power and what to do with it but I don't know how?"she said in a small voice looking down at her hands on her lap.

Luke stared at her for a long time after that he said, "You spend your whole life alone on a planet where no one can survive all alone, you taught yourself reading, writing, flying, everything you are now is by your own making Rey, then why are you afraid now?" 

  
  


"Before I never had anything to lose, now I have my friends, my new family, they trust me Luke, I cannot fail them" it is the reason what's stopping her from exploring the force, enjoying her friends company, her fear of failing is her biggest fear of all.

  
  


Luke came to sit beside her, his blue aura radiating through the darkness of the forest "You know, my Master once told me failure is the best teacher and the biggest lesson, so never be afraid of failing Rey, everyone fails but it is up to you that you rise from there or crumble under the weight of your failure but for that you must face it, if you did not face it you will never know you failed or not, and if you fail at least you'll learn a good lesson." he smiled reassuringly

She knew her Master was right, she knew that should face it, running away from problems was never her style, but she was afraid of losing her friends like she lost Ben.

  
  


"You're right Master, I must face it, but I'm afraid" the fear was evident in her voice 

"What if I also succumb to darkness like him, what if I also hurt people I love, I don't want to be that person."

"You'll never turn to the dark Rey, you'll never hurt people you love."

"and why do you think that?"she whispered looking at him.

"Because you suffered enough and still hold on to the kindness, you choose love over anger" he said gently, then his eyes take on a mischievous glint,"and, after all you went to save the dark prince with nothing but determination."

  
  


That earned a laugh from her, she missed this, to talk freely about everything, but the thought of Ben came to her unbidden.

  
  


"Luke, what do you think, should I tell everyone about my connection with Ben?"

It was the question she's asked herself so many times she forgot the count, but the thought of telling everyone and after that losing everyone was so scaring that she cannot bring herself to do it.

"I think they have a right to know, you said they are your family, family has a right to know everything, even your darkest secrets, and what you did was an act of compassion Rey, I think you should tell them."

Rey stared at Luke, he was right they are her family and they had a right to know, even they hate her after knowing everything.

"Yeah, you're right, I'll tell them everything and after that it's up to them how they are going to take it."

Luke smiled at her, and she smiled back,

"Yes, that's why you will never turn to the dark, you can face your fear" he paused and stood up "and the matter of the force, I can do something with that." 

Her face lit up with new source of excitement and joy, "so, you're going to train me?"she was almost hesitant to ask, not believing herself it was actually happening.

"Yeah, you have to learn and I have to do something with my free time" he smiled at her and then he's gone.

  
  
  


With a new determination and courage she told everyone in the Resistance about the connection between her and Kylo Ren and why she went to the  _ Supremacy _ and how they killed the guards how Ben refused her and choose power and that now she shut off their connection and don't want to do anything with him.

After saying all that she braced herself for the anger, hate, the word 'traitor' but nothing came, in the place of that they all accepted her like the family they were.

  
  


It was Finn who first spoke, "Rey, it's not your fault that you found hope in him, you are the most kind person I ever met, and you did just what you always do, you just showed kindness and it's not your fault he didn't accept it."

  
  


Poe came to her and laid a hand on her shoulder, "Hey don't be sad, we're not upset with you after all you went there for us," he's eyes taking a faraway look, "You know he was my best friend when we were children and sometimes I can't believe that he became Kylo Ren, but sometimes I also thought that my friend Ben is inside there, somewhere, so it's not your fault he didn't want to change, you tried and that's enough."

There were tears in her eyes, not even in her dreams she thought that they will accept her like this.

At last Leia came to her "Thank You Rey, for trying to save my son, but only he can save himself no one can do that for him." Leia smiled and enveloped her in her arms and all that doubt, fear, loneliness vanished after that.

  
  


Now after three months of that fateful day on Crait she is training with a force ghost and with the help of the Jedi texts, she build Luke's lightsaber again, she also learned many new things, she is surrounded by people she love and she is happier than ever.

  
  


Then she heard it.

  
  


_ Rey…… _

  
  


But, like always she ignored it, she can't dwell on that feeling, that feeling has no part in her life, he has no part in her life.

  
  


Now sitting in the grassland of Naboo, she never felt so peaceful before, it's like she always belonged here. Finn is beside her looking at the flower like it is the most mysterious thing he had ever seen.

  
  


"You know if you stared at the flower like this any longer, Rose will definitely going to be jealous with this." she teased him a little

Finn's cheeks flushed to match the Red colour of the flower, and she can't stop the giggle that escaped from her lips.

  
  


"I don't know what are you talking about" he said shyly.

Rey rolled her eyes,"oh, you know really well"

  
  


They sit in peaceful silence enjoying the nature.

  
  


"Finn, it's so peaceful here, I never wanted anything more than this, and I really don't want anything else" she smiled at Finn.

He smiled back looking at her,"Rey, really I'm so happy to see you like this"he reached out and touched her hands and looked around, "and, yeah Naboo is such a beautiful planet."

  
  


Then she noticed it, the dark, cold presence which she can never escape. She turned sharply and looked at him, she can't stop the gasp that came out of her mouth, he is looking like a man who is being tortured for months. He is looking deathly pale, he has dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept in days, he has loose weight too, there is blood coming down from his nose, but his eyes, they are saying some other story, they are desperate yet hopeful and suddenly the situation crashed on her and the concern turned into horror.

  
  


"No…" she said 

  
  


But, before she can say or do anything his eyes rolled back to his head and he fell backward and like that he is gone.

And she can't think of anything else only one thought conjured her consciousness,

  
  
  


He know where she is and he is coming for her…

  
  


\---------

\---------

Everyone scramble to their feet for their retreat. Resistance got stronger within these months but not strong enough to face the First Order directly, so the brightest decision for now is to disappear.

  
  


Naboo is the home for everyone here for the last three months but now they have to leave it behind, because of her, it hurt her in a way she cannot describe. Her friends and Leia assuring her that it's not her fault but she know it is her fault, she should have noticed, she should have made better shields, but now is not the time for regrets. She will see that this never happen again and for that she has plan.

  
  
  


"No.." Leia said looking at her tiredly

  
  


"But, why? It's just to buy you time," she lied "When all of you securely went to Ajan Kloss I'll come back to you, I promise."

Leia sighed, she's looking exhausted like all the fight had left her system, probably it did, but still she's moving and it's a all new reason to fight.

  
  


"Rey, you know how unstable he is, I know he will never hurt you but you can't promise that he will not do anything wrong in his desperation" she said with a edge of sadness in her voice.

  
  


Rey know Leia is right, he is unstable and desperate, but she have to face him, she can't avoid it any longer, so be it.

"I can handle him, and it's just for sometime, just a distraction." Rey said, hopeful.

  
  


Leia is silent for a long time, looking at her with those old sad eyes, "Fine, but the moment I signal you, you'll run straight for the ship and come back to us."

  
  


Rey grinned and hugged Leia "Promise"

"Take care of yourself Rey, and come back to us," she sighed a long and suffering one "I can't lose you too" her voice is strained and a tear rolled down from Rey's eyes, for how long she craved this.

  
  


"I will always come back to you, Leia."

  
  
  


\---------

\---------

  
  


Everyone is aboard the ship when Finn came to her, his face is full of concern and trust like a brother he is to her.

  
  


He smiled and took her hand in his, his voice is not more than whisper but, there is a world of love behind those words.

  
  


"Rey, I don't have anyone to call my own, to held dear, before I met you, you changed my whole world, and I know you can handle yourself pretty good, but I want you to promise me, that you will take care of yourself and you will be careful and if you are in any kind of danger, you will not hesitate to call for help."

  
  


Rey know how much Finn love her but those words went straight to her heart and she failed to hold the tears back that came down. She hate that she have stay behind but there is no other choice, it's for the safety of her family, so she smiled and circled him with her arms.

  
  


"I promise, I'll be careful and if I need help I'll not hesitate" she hold him little tighter, 

"Thank you, Finn, for always be there for me."

  
  


"Always" his voice is thick with emotion.

  
  


They stayed like that for sometime after they pull back, Poe came beside her and hugged her,

"Take care and be careful, you know, we need you in one piece." he smiled at her and she smiled back.

  
  


Soon, all of them retreated into the ship and in moments the ship disappeared into the sky.

  
  


Rey stand there to take a last peaceful look of the place she called home for the last three months, where she was actually happy in her entire life.

  
  


Then came a whisper in the air, 

  
  


_ I'm coming, Rey…... _

  
  
  


She stand straight and tall, she's ready.

  
  
  


_ I'm waiting….. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. The End of waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know I'm really late but I promise I'll post the next chapter really soon.
> 
> So, today our lover boy is going to meet his girl let's see what happens.
> 
> Enjoy!!

Kylo can't sit in one place, after he set the ship in auto pilot. He shot out of his seat and start pacing, the anticipation and excitement of seeing Rey again is making him act like a stupid teenager, but he cannot help himself, three months of nothing from her and now he is going see her in person.

  
  


Once he gets to her nothing can make him stay apart from her, he will make her understand how much he wants her, how much he loves her, and this time he will choose the right words.

He will not let her slip away like before, he will not let her go this time, he will not survive it. 

If she leave him this time it will break him like nothing could,

No.

no, he can't afford that, Rey will see, she will understand and she will stay with him.

  
  


She will stay with him.

  
  


With that thought he marched toward the cockpit, and sat there on the pilot's chair, and started waiting for the ship to take him Naboo.

  
  


Naboo, that place holds a lot of memory for him and those were the only few happy memories he had of his childhood, he came to Naboo with his parents when he was seven, there his father taught him swimming, for the time they were at Naboo for once his parents didn't fought and the three of them enjoyed their time before all went to hell.

No, he will not dwell in the past when his future is all he wants to think about.

It's not long before he can see the beautiful green planet.

  
  


He can sense her as soon as he entered the atmosphere of Naboo. She's like a Sun, whose light is the source of life but it can also play the cruel dance of death when needed.

and, now she is both life and death for him, she can make him by taking his hand but she can also break him into pieces by rejecting him again, she holds all the power over him, he was never been so afraid before.

  
  


In the three months of not seeing her, each and everyday he asked himself the questions,

Why her??

Why'd he love her so much?

Why now?

and, how?

He thought he shed all his emotions out when he destroyed Luke's Temple, when he killed his own friends. He thought the only emotions that left in him was rage and hate, so when and how this love came?

He went through every moment he was with her, just to know in which moment and for what reason he fell in love with her, but he never found one.

  
  


There was just this feeling when he, when he first saw her in the forest, when she push through his mind, when she fought him in the snowy forest, when she first look at him through the bond, when she pour her heart out to him near the fireplace, when she touched his hand, when she came to the death trap created by his Master just for him, when she first called him 'Ben' , when she fought side by side with him, no he never fell in love with her in any particular moment, he fell in love with her every time he saw her. 

  
  
  


The feeling of love became so foreign to him that he didn't even realize it in those moments but when she closed the door of their bond, the pain he felt was like he was dying and the only thing that can save him was her, in that painful moments he realized that he love her, and he can't live without her.

  
  


The three months he spend without their connection was more a torture to him then his entire life as Snoke's apprentice. Now, all of this is going to stop, he will meet her and everything will be okay. The thought of meeting her again automatically spread warmth in his heart.

  
  


He landed his ship near the place where he sensed her the strongest. The excitement and joy of seeing her again started to mix with fear and doubt, what if she's angry? What if she doesn't want to see me? What if she hate-

No, no, no he can't even finish the thought, she hating him after everything they shared felt like a knife twisting in his heart.

"No, She will understand," he said out aloud.

It's true or a reassurance he's giving himself he doesn't know but force knows he will try with every ounce of his strength to make it true, to make her understand, with that thought he stepped out of the ship.

  
  


It was dark outside, his eyes tried adjust with the darkness but it's all failure. He was standing in the entrance of a forest, the trees here so thick that the moonlight cannot enter through it, making it much more darker.

  
  


What is she doing here in the dark, what if something happens to her, with that thought he marched forward, but he cannot see anything, so he took out his lightsaber and ignited it, red light filled the forest night. He stepped forward, lightsaber in hand where he can sense her, she did not close her mind to him, it's like an invitation, like she wants him to come to her.

  
  


A new wave of hope and joy filled him and he started to run, he doesn't care its dark, he doesn't care there can be danger, the only thing he care about is her and that she wants to see him.

  
  
  


He abruptly stopped running when he came across a garden, the garden is large and beautiful, it's in the middle of the forest surrounded by trees and flowers, and in middle of the garden standing the most beautiful person he ever seen, his Rey.

  
  


He started to walk towards her hesitantly like it's a spell he will break if he did anything wrong. She has her back turned towards him, but when she sensed his approach she turned around and his whole world turned into bright joyous light. He everyday thought what will happen when he'll see her again but nothing would have made him ready for what he is seeing now, every time he thought if she could be more beautiful than she already is, but she proves him wrong each and every time.

  
  


She is looking like a goddess, she is looking like an angel, she is looking like every pretty word he knows.

  
  


She has her hair fully down, that's the first thing he noticed about her, he never saw her hair fully down, it's longer than the last time he saw her and it's curled around the ends, her hair is like sea waves, which is blowing by the wind, he will give everything to be that wind now.

  
  


She's wearing a white tunic, he never liked white this much before. He approached her slowly, hesitantly like a child approaching a butterfly so that she didn't fly away. She had blank expression on her face like she's wearing a mask, an emotionless mask, he doesn't like it, he's craving to see her smile, craving to see her gorgeous hazel eyes brighten with delight, he wants to be the reason of her smiles but he know he have to earn her smile, and he will do anything for that.

  
  


_______

_______

  
  


She doesn't know

She doesn't know what she's going to do is right or wrong but one thing she does know is that she have to, everything depends on her decision, she can't risk anyone anymore, her friends and the only family she have, the are running around like they did something wrong not the other way around, they didn't deserve this. 

She will end this today.

She knows it will be painful but what needs to be done will be done whether it's painful or not.

But, she's not afraid from the physical pain, she can take it and she know he can take it too, what she's afraid of is the emotional pain, but she have to do it, she was making herself ready for this for months now, she will not waver now.

  
  


So, with determined strides slowly she walked towards the person she once hoped for with all her heart and who shattered every bit of it.

  
  


She know what she have to do,

  
  


What cannot be stopped needs to be destroyed

  
  


She will do it 

  
  


She have to.

  
  
  


______

______

  
  


She is walking towards him, he can't believe it's happening, it still feels like he's dreaming in his lonely room on his ship, it's too good to be true, but he knows he's not dreaming, it's really happening.

  
  


His heart is hammering in his chest with every step he's taking towards her, he can't breathe with the excitement and fear bubbling through him.

  
  


His lovely Scavenger is really in front of him and it's not one of his fucking dreams, he can't believe his eyes, he didn't look away from her for even a moment, fearing she will vanish if he does. He thinks he's going to pass out by sheer joy and nervousness alone, because the love and only hope of his life is here with him, so close that he can feel her, feel her light warming his cold heart. 

  
  


He knew he made a mess of himself last time he talked to her, she must be angry with him and she has every right to, after all you only show anger towards the person you love, so he will take all her anger silently with his head bowed and when her anger dissipates he will envelope her in his arms and she will melt in him and he will confess all his true feelings for her, he will tell her how much he loves her.

  
  


He know it's a little early for that but with the connection they share she will understand the seriousness of his feelings and last time he made a big mistake by not revealing his true feelings for her, he's not making the same mistake again, he can't let her go this time, because if this time she leaves him it's going to be his death.

  
  


Every step he takes toward her is like he's bathing in her presence, her smell, her beauty, her strength. In this short distance between them he sense how powerful she became, his strong, beautiful Scavenger, His, he's not surprised that he thinks of her as his,

  
  


His Scavenger

  
  


His Rey

  
  


His everything

  
  


Yes, she is his everything, from the moment he laid his eyes on her she became his everything, in the forest when he saw her he forgot the droid, in the interrogation room when he saw her strength he forgot about the map, when he saw her in the snowy forest Illuminating by the light of his legacy lightsaber he forgot himself in front of her, from then his whole world was surrounded by her.

  
  


Now they are just some steps away, she is looking intensely at him like she's thinking what to do with him. If it had been any other time he would have felt self conscious but not now, because now she is in front of him in flesh and blood not one of his fragment of imagination or a trick by force, she is really in front of him and he wants to embrace her, touch every part of her, kiss her, worship her, love her, but he did nothing of that, he just stood there looking at her.

  
  
  


After three months of waiting, pleading by the door of their force bond with no response he has millions of things to say, but the only thing he can say,

  
  


"Rey.."

  
  
  


Her name is like a prayer coming from his lips, and he drinks in her sight like a man dying for a drop of water. She is the most beautiful person he has seen in his life, most beautiful voice he ever heard, but when she opened her mouth,

  
  


"Kylo Ren, came to finish your work monster" she said with venom in her voice

  
  


Every bit of hope, courage he had shattered on her feet with his heart.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you like it.


	4. Meeting under moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the worse I know, but pls enjoy the chapter.

He is alone, it's the first thing her mind acknowledged about him, now that she's surrounded by people who love her she can clearly see the loneliness covering him. He looks vulnerable and... old, she doesn't know how is it possible but it looks like the last few months were ages for him. 

  
  


His body may look old but his eyes.. his eyes held a desperation that can only held by a child.

Those eyes belong to a frightened boy.

  
  


But, she can't get soft now, she can't be weak, she has to face him and do what she has to.

  
  


So, she stood straight and looked him in the eye, he's walking hesitantly like he's afraid if he walks faster she will vanish from his sight. 

He stopped in front of her, looking like he can't believe it's happening.

For a moment he looked like he want to say a million things at once but what escaped his lips was only a whisper,

"Rey.."

  
  


In a second she forgot who he is, because of how much softness he put on her name, like he never did anything horrible in his entire life, the thought snap her back to the reality, and with that came all the anger, hate, grief she bottled up inside her, with as much of that emotions she can use on her words she greeted him,

  
  


"Kylo Ren, came to finish your work monster"

  
  


She can see how much those words affected him and a part of her enjoyed it, but she knows she shouldn't do this, anger and hate only brought destruction and sorrow.

  
  


So, she controlled her emotions and looked at him neutrally, he is looking like his whole world is closing around him and what he can do is only wait and see.

  
  


"Rey, what are you talking about? came to finish what?"he asked confused.

  
  


Whatever sympathy or softness she felt toward him vanished in a second, this idiot almost killed his own mother, her friends and he even tried to kill her and Chewie and he has the audacity to look like nothing happened.

  
  
  


"Oh, now you don't even remember how you almost killed your mother, my friends and lastly me and Chewie" she growled, all her previous thoughts about controlling her anger no more manageable.

  
  


His eyes widened, his hands came to reach for her but he thought better of it, his mouth opened and closed for any explanation or lie.

  
  


"Rey, I came alone" he said pleadingly

  
  


That confused her more, what did he think, he came alone so she will forget about everything.

  
  


"So?" she asked him, frustrated, her brow furrowed, "Everyone knows what the mighty Kylo Ren can do" she said pointedly "even alone".

  
  


She's not wrong, everybody knows he's a one man army, even with loaded weapons and enough man power he can take whatever he wants.

The thought send a shiver down her spine.

  
  


His eyes bore into her, his soft brown eyes pleading her to understand something he can't say. He is standing a few feet away from her but the distance between them felt only a breath away.

  
  


"I came to see you,Rey" he whispered voice shaking.

Came to see her? What did he mean he came to see her, her brow furrowed further, did he forget that they are on the opposite sides of war.

  
  


"Why did you came to see me? So,you can kill me yourself?" she asked with as much hurt she can muster. She can't believe once she put her life in Stake for this man.

  
  


He looked at her like she said the most ridiculous thing in the world. His eyes pained, like the thought of killing her is a sin for him.

  
  


He was silent for a while, the only sounds are their steady breathing.

Then he spoke up

  
  


"I came here because.." he took a deep breath, looking straight at her eyes, 

"because I missed you."

and she froze on her place.

  
  


______

______

  
  


"Because I missed you"

  
  


The words are haunting his conscience for the last three months. He missed her from the moment she closed the door of Falcon on his face. He missed her everyday, every moment of his life after he met her, even his dreams or more like the nightmares he's having, are about her.

About her leaving him again

  
  
  


And, he will do anything to keep that just a nightmare, because even the thought of it becoming a reality causes his heart to burst with pain.

  
  


Now that he has the chance, he will do anything to prove her that the future they both shared in their vision can be true, any other possibilities are simply unacceptable.

  
  


He failed to show her before, to make her understand but not today, he will not fail this time because he doesn't know what he will do if he failed this time.

  
  


He was making himself ready for this moment for the last three months, he thought of everything he wanted to say to her but the mere presence of her alone can make his mouth shut and his heart race.

She's looking at me with surprise like she can't believe that he missed her, like if he even capable of missing someone.

The thought shouldn't have stung like that, but it did.

  
  


After her surprise melted her features softened a little, but just for a moment, like a blink of an eye she returned to her previous anger.

  
  


"You missed me?" her face turned into a mocking smile, "like your father missed you, remember what you did to him" her voice cracked at the edges.

He remembered of course he remembered,

_ "We miss you son" _

With that words he knew that his father loved him all along, all the lies Snoke fed him through all those years became crystal clear and for moment he really did want to go home with his _'Dad',_ but then he remembered had no home left to go, and his father will leave him again just like before because that was his nature, so, instead going with him he freed his father from his life, but his father's last act was to forgive him and to let him know that he still loved him after all this, he can still feel the gentle touch of his hand, a haunting reminder that he was weak, if he just had the strength to take his father's hand and leave, but that's all past now and though how strongly he wants to change everything, he can't.

  
  


"How can I forget, What I did broke me into pieces" he can't control the waver in his voice, the emotion behind those words so thick it's choking him.

  
  


Her face visibly softened, her lower lip trembling,

"Then why did you do that?" she asked in a whisper there is no anger or malice in her voice it's like she's pleading him to make her understand, it broke his heart anew.

"You already know Rey, you know more than anyone" and she did know, she's the only one who knows his true suffering, she saw his tortured soul, she knows everything about him.

  
  


She's looking at him with those beautiful hazel eyes which are now shining with unshed tears.

  
  


"War demands so much from us, no?" She asked in a very thoughtful voice, like she asked this question to herself a thousand time.

  
  


"Yeah it does" he answered her question, because he Knew better than anyone what war does to a person, the decisions a person makes during the war haunt him throughout his existence.

  
  


She is looking at him like she's seeing him for the last time, his whole body seized with panic, what if she's going to leave him now and never want to see him again, no he can't take that, he was going to ask what's wrong, but then she stepped closer to him in slow, steady steps, then she came right in front of him, just a breath away looking at him with a pained expression, a drop of tear came out of her eyes, worry clutched his chest.

  
  


"Rey, Sweetheart, What's wrong?"

He's hands instinctively reached for her grabbing her shoulders inspecting any sign of injuries, is she in pain? is she she hurt somehow, he roamed his eyes through her body for any trace of discomfort, but found none, he was going to ask again what happened, but then

  
  


"Ben" she whispered

  
  


His whole world came alive with the sound of his name from her lips, it's the most beautiful sound he ever heard and then he decided he never wants her to call him by any other name, not ever.

  
  


He was so overwhelmed by her calling him by his real name, that he didn't even realized that she's reaching towards him until her soft fingers touched his cheek, gently touching his scar, her scar.

  
  


The sensation of her hand is so good he leaned into it, and closed his eyes, savoring the moment.

When he opened his eyes she was looking at him with so much compassion he almost said the words he came to tell her but then her eyes filled with tears and started coming down to her cheeks, he couldn't hold back even if he wanted, he reached for and gently took her face in his hands and wiped the tears carefully.

"What happened Rey? Why are you crying? Please tell me, cyar'ika" he asked urgently in concern, he never liked her crying, but now he hates to see her beautiful face full of tears.

  
  


"War demands so much from us" she said in a broken voice, confusion clouded his mind, what is she talking about he almost asked her but then she did something that took his breath away.

  
  


Her small hands encircled him in a crushing embrace, her head nestled on his chest, over his heart, her hands clutching his back, then they swiftly moved to the back of his neck, cradling his head, touching his hair.

  
  


He was so shocked by her approach that he forgot he has a body, when sensation came back to him, he circled his arms around her, one hand on her waist another touching her head keeping her as close as he can, he buried his head on the crook of her neck, bathing in her scent, in her touch, and for once in his whole life he felt like he is home, her embrace is his home, she is his home and he never want to leave his home.

So, he decided he will tell her now, what he came here to tell her.

  
  


"Rey, I- "

he started but she cut him off 

  
  


"Ben,.. I'm sorry.." she whispered in a pained voice, confusion settled on his mind.

What she's sorry for she didn't do anything, he was going to tell her she has nothing to be sorry for.

  
  
  
  


But, then the pain started.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger!!!!
> 
> So guys, what do think Rey did to Ben?
> 
> Pls comment and share your opinions!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it, I'll try to update every week.


End file.
